While one of the joys of getting back with an ex is the comfort or familiarity, Kuriansky says that longing for comfort can be misplaced, especially lately as we seem to live amid constant chaos. Kuriansky also advises soliciting the feedback of friends and family before pursuing an ex. Many may react negatively, especially if the relationship ended badly. Are you kidding? Be ready to confront those memories — not just with yourself and with your loved ones, but with your ex themselves, which can be the hardest part.
Many of us may find ourselves longing for a lost love. If we go about it in a realistic, healthy way, it could, possibly, work out — if both people are on the same page. How We Live. Why getting back with an ex is so compelling. As with all marriages, the answer lies in what both partners are willing to do to make the relationship work for the long haul. Statistics for restored marriages, where ex-spouses remarry each other, may be somewhat surprising.
Nancy Kalish has researched rekindled romances since the early s. Her research focuses on couples who reconnect with ex-partners after a five-year break. The first phase of her research, which ended in , consisted of approximately 1, survey respondents. There are many different reasons why spouses decide to get back together. Additionally, each remarriage may involve one or more impetus for revival.
Sometimes couples do not realize exactly what they mean to each other until they have divorced. Even in separation, the couple may not feel disconnected enough from each other.
It can be much easier to reflect on the relationship when you take time away from it. After some time, your negative emotions will not be as strong as they were while in the marriage, and you will begin to see your part in the marriage's failure.
Acknowledging what you could have done better is the first step in reconciling and working on the relationship. Some people think that things are always better - that the grass is greener - anywhere else but in their current situation.
After experiencing the single life, some people may realize that there is no one else as great as their former spouse. People change as they grow older, but this does not mean that couples have to grow apart. A marriage may have ended because spouses change, but they may also change again later in life and find that they once again love each other. Jim Solomon , a counselor who specializes in helping married couples, says there are good reasons to restore a marriage , although he says getting back together is not for everyone.
While many counselors encourage couples to remarry if possible, Solomon says that in some cases, reconciliation is unadvisable. Often times, one or both spouses is hesitant to recognize their contribution to the disintegration of a marriage. Solomon says that this hesitancy is a good indicator that the couple in question is not ready to get back together. In order for remarriage to be succesful, both spouses have to recognize that they each played a part in their marriage's demise. So often, Solomon says, couples tend to justify and rationalize their behavior or their former spouse's behavior without ever taking steps towards actionable change.
He syas that in order for a re-marriage to work, both partners must demonstrate a real change in actions, attitudes and behavioral patterns. Often times, one of the factors in a marriage's downfall is that one or both partners have unrealistic expectations. Solomon says that in order for a couple to successfully reunite, a couple has to have realistic expectations for themselves, their spouse and the marriage in general. According to Solomon, counseling can go a long way towards helping spouses adjust their existing expecations and forming new, realistic and healthy expectations.
Carver adds that rekindled relationships are incredibly intense because couples can skip past the getting-to-know you phase. Reuniting an old relationship might be immediately easy and intense, but it seems that many couples manage to last through the initial euphoria and build a stable relationship.
And while a couples are unlikely to work a second time round if they fought constantly and were unhappy together, prospects are better for those who had no good reason for breaking up in the first place. By providing your email, you agree to the Quartz Privacy Policy.
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